Chapter closed:New Beginnings

So, the past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me..and yesterday there was a significant change in my life that came with bittersweet feelings. As a mother, I was devastated that my daughters father moved 8 hours away after raising her since she was born and seeing her almost every day.. as a woman, I was relieved that a part of my life that brought me so many ups and downs was closed and a new beginning is here. We are all different in how we grieve things like this, the ending of relationships, marriages, just endings and people leaving our lives in general. I did not realize how unhappy I had been until my self esteem kicked back in high gear yesterday knowing that I had all the information and got closure. The information that I found out was hard to hear, but it made me realize that I had made the right choice in ending an unhealthy relationship that I once thought was going to be my forever. Ya know the saying of how a relationship has to be loving, trusting, and compromise is key? Yeah... none of the three elements were there any longer and I finally realized I was sticking around out of fear of being alone. "It's better to feel lonely when you are alone, than lonely when you are with someone." Sums it up. I went 34 years without experiencing heartbreak. This one was my first..and it is true: I spent a week about a month ago, curled up, eating Ben and Jerry's, reading It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken", and sleeping like it was my favorite thing to do. I think that was my sign that whatever we once had together was no longer there. I would have been fine if I was the only one affected by this decision, but having children makes it so much more painful because of the energy I had to spend "acting as if" I was happy as could be and that nothing was changing. I admit: I was not very good at that. I couldn't handle the tension surrounding our family knowing that I did not know if my 5 yr old child's father would stay in town or move home, which happens to be in another state and 8 long hours away. He made his choice. As a mother, I could not imagine moving away from my children. I know that these are life issues, and people can choose, and some might not agree with me. But, taking a one way flight without a plan in place to see my children....um, no. This has been a lesson. The hardest lesson of my life. I know that for personal reasons, I am a happier person with this chapter of life closing, but as a mother, I ache for my daughter and honestly don't have words. She asks where daddy is and I typically breeze over it right now, but its been 6 days since she has seen him and it will get worse before it gets better. Life is a wild ride. I do know one thing for sure: I will smile each and every day when I wake up to my wonderful children, and they will be raised with the most amazing love and guidance. Hello single motherhood- I am ready. 

Deep breaths, sticking close to a great friend, and lots of laughter is my plan for now. Stay strong if you can relate. I am right there with you. I am struggling with not having regrets. I always say I don't regret anything in life because of the lessons I learn...but for my child, I am regretting keeping her father in the picture for so long now that she has to experience this loss and hole in her heart. For now, we are off for a weekend of fun and I am officially closing the talk about this part of our lives.. It's called a breakup because its broken! 

x,
Hillary

The Unknown

I don't like the feeling of the unknown. I am a planner- I need to know what is coming next. Life is in a holding pattern right now and I am not diggin it. Sometimes it is hard to know in your heart that everything happens for a reason... but not yet know what that reason is. We are all in this holding pattern at times and I have been here before...but right now just was not the time I envisioned being stuck in this funk. Sooo, what can I do to feel better?

 Here are the top 5 things I do when I am in this unsettling place on this roller coaster we call LIFE.

1. Read uplifting and/or funny books- Chelsea Handler can typically help a girl out and Emily Giffin is amazing and writes such realistic books :)

2. Exercise. It is the LAST thing I want to do, but the post workout endorphin's are amazing for my mood.

3. Daydream.... ya know, thinking about fun times in life..always makes me realize things could be worse. 

4. Call a friend and VENT! This one I have trouble doing when I am in this place of the unknown, I tend to withdrawal from socializing in general. I have to work on picking up the phone and spilling my guts. It is the trust issues... Calling Dr. Phil! 

5. A good solid cry in my pillow! Crying can be good for the soul, ya know!

That's all I have today.... anyone have any "get out of a lingering life funk" tips? I would love to hear them! Help a girl out. 

x,

Hillary

Chasing My Life Dreams in The Ville... : My Favorite Things

Chasing My Life Dreams in The Ville... : My Favorite Things: Pictures of things/activities/places that I love! All are a huge part of my life! wine magnets- love! United States of America   ...